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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084006">*Gestures Vaguely* I just think this would be hilarious</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestcake/pseuds/honestcake'>honestcake</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fullpotter [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Notfic, Now with more fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:15:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084006</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestcake/pseuds/honestcake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy and Edward infiltrate Hogwarts<br/>Ed is older than he looks but goes into fifth year due to being short<br/>They try to not look like they're banging but they're really bad at hiding it<br/>Chapter 1: Notfic! Rating: teen and up<br/>Chapter 2: fic! Rating: explicit!!!<br/>You don't have to read chapter two, it's just a scene set within the outline I described in chapter one</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward Elric/Roy Mustang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fullpotter [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875697</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I just had to get this out if my head</p><p>If you want to write something inspired by this be my guest</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So how about for some reason or other Roy and Ed infiltrate Hogwarts.</p><p>Dumbledore probably approached them, if you're reading this chances are you've read a ton of these before.</p><p>So Roy is the new alchemy teacher and Ed is like 18/19 that year, depending on when his birthday is but he pretends to be in fifth year like Harry and Co which is easy because he's tiny (he's probably not super tiny for a fifteen year old but Roy still teases him about it and he flips and everyone is confused, like, he's taller than Harry (Hari) wtf??</p><p>So technically Ed shares a room with Harry, Ron and co but he sneaks out every other night and while Ed is still a grumpy piece of shit the next day Professor Mustang seems to be awfully happy and smug the next morning every time that happens, suspicious. As time goes on Ed also gets detentions almost every day with him for basically everything that no one else seems to get in trouble for.</p><p>"I'm telling you they're sleeping together," Ron said.</p><p>"Ronald, don't be absurd! Ed is fifteen and Professor Mustang is his teacher!" Hermione protested.</p><p>"He comes back with a new hickey after every night he sneaks out. And he's new in school. And even you must have seen that his lips are swollen every Tuesday at lunch after the professor just so happened to have him stay behind after class," Harry pointed out to her.</p><p>"I'm sure there's a rational explanation!" Hermione hissed, "Edward is our friend, I can't believe you would accuse him of something so... So..."</p><p>"We're just calling a horse a horse, 'moine," Ron shrugged."They transferred from wherever they came together didn't they? They definitely have the same accent even if they aren't... Y'know. The same." Race, he didn't say. "We don't know why they had to leave their old school but you should at least consider the possibility..."</p><p>So yeah Hermione is staunchly defending their honour, maybe has a crush on Roy *cough* Lockhart *cough* or is really just trying to be a good friend to Ed because she's nice and also doesn't share a dormitory with him but it really only lasts until she hears very telling noises that one time she tries to ask professor Mustang for help with more advanced alchemy stuff during his office hours.</p><p>So after <em>that </em>she's obviously going to try to coax Ed to open up about his abusive relationship or get help with a teacher and that works just about as well as you'd expect.</p><p>So I guess Dumbledore knows that ed is 19 but not about the banging and Roy and ed are both in the order even though to keep up appearances ed isn't allowed in meetings</p><p>And I'm thinking this is an au where he definitely still has his alchemy and possibly his Automail arm even though that might be hard to hide... Let's just hope those actually friggen work at Hogwarts... Though maybe not. Maybe there it's just a really useless prothesis and he basically has a pegleg??? Could wizard healing regrow his missing limbs? Harry had all his arm bones regrown at least? Maybe that's why he's here in the first place? He's slowly regrowing his arm and leg and is wearing some sort of hollow wizard leg prothesis</p><p>When are they going to open up about his age I wonder... Maybe after the battle in the ministry of magic where they obviously save Sirius, maybe ed falls through the veil but truth just pushes him out again and there's a desperate holy shit I thought you were dead make out session (and all the progress he had made in growing his arm and leg are now gone because truth is a bitch) and everyone is looking at them and Molly is ready to kill so they kinda have to say something and ed has to admit he's actually a midget the end</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Following chapters will probably be scenes that go somewhere in between unless I get an inspiration for year six?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. He's the shining and the light without whom I cannot see</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>*shrugs*<br/>Rating goes up to explicit here</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pov during the sex scene is a mess whoops</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roy glanced over to where Edward was doodling a very complex array on the surface of his desk with a pencil loosely gripped in his left hand. </p><p>With a sigh Roy walked over to the blonde, who didn't even look up from his work, though his curly haired friend next to him was looking at Roy's approach with apprehension and... Fear? That was new.</p><p>"Mr. Elric!" Roy bit back a grin at the address, "care to share with the class?"</p><p>"No," came the predictable answer.</p><p>"Stay after class, please." <em>Maybe long enough to bend you over a desk this time</em>, he added in his mind.</p><p>"Sir!" The girl on Edward's right, Hermione, piped up. "Please, it's just pencil, he can just erase it in five seconds!" She helpfully pushed her own eraser Edward's way.</p><p>With a scowl Edward placed it back on her part of the table.</p><p>"I know how pencils work, Miss Granger," Roy assured her with a wry smile. "Unfortunately I also know how Mr. Elric works, so he's staying after class and possibly for detention later today." He threw Edward a look that made him fold in on himself and the Slytherin's in the back of the classroom giggle. And then he was very glad no one else was able to see the <em>look</em> Edward retaliated with. Roy cleared his throat and chanced one look at Hermione who's dark complexion could not fully hide how red she had gone with... Anger? Fury? Ed seemed to have acquired a protector from the group he was supposed to protect. Lovely.</p><p>Ed threw a not-so-quiet "Bastard" his way when he turned away, for good measure. Roy smirked at the blackboard.</p>
<hr/><p>"You don't have have to do this," Hermione basically pleaded after class was over.</p><p>"Do what? Stay? I'm pretty sure we both heard the bastard loud and clear Hermione."</p><p>"We can just go to Professor McGonagall and tell her how he's... he's..."</p><p>"How he's what, Hermione?" Edward growled. I"don't think being a bastard who plays favourites is actually forbidden in this school or Snape would be out of a job by now."</p><p>Edward was good at potions. It was one of the classes he could participate in without his wand arm. Snape still hated him justfjust being in Gryffindor. </p><p>"How he's treating you!" She cried in desperation.</p><p>Ed snorted. "I can handle him, don't worry." </p><p>She raised her arm and her hand awkwardly hovered in the space where his right one would be if it didn't currently consist out of a stump wrapped in gauze. Her eyes seemed to speak a hundred apologies before she turned and ran away, out of the classroom, Harry and Ron following her.</p><p>As soon as the door closed behind the last student, Roy was next to him, his hand coming to rest on Edward's jaw. He sighed and leaned into it, letting his boyfriend carefully guide his face towards himself and up, before carefully sealing their mouths together. </p><p>It didn't take long for Edward to bury his hand into Roy's hair and deepen the kiss, sliding his tongue over Roy's bottom lip until the older man complied and let him explore his mouth thoroughly.</p><p>After a good minute or so of this he finally remembered the array he had been sketching out on his desk and he threaded his hand out of Roy's hair while their mouths separated, only connected by a thin string of spit before it, too, disappeared.</p><p>"Hang on a sec, hang on," he said while gulping huge breaths back into his lung. He pressed his left palm onto the array and the desk that had dug into his hips during the impromptu make out session disappeared and re-materialised as a deadbolt in front of the classroom door. Roy's eyes became impossibility darker.</p><p>His mouth was captured again and Roy pulled him over to the teacher's desk by his tie, while simultaneously trying to undo the buttons of Edward's shirt.</p><p>Ed smiled into the kiss and pushed Roy into the chair behind the desk with maybe a bit more force than necessary. He himself hopped upon the desk and finished opening the buttons of his shirt, letting it slowly fall open and reveal his toned chest.</p><p>Roy had meanwhile sprawled artfully in his chair, clearly enjoying the show, judging by how he pressed the heel of his hand into his crotch and bit when Edward slowly loosened his tie.</p><p>"Are you gonna fuck me on your desk, Professor?" He asked as innocently as he could manage.</p><p>Judging by how Roy groaned "Oh, God" and stepped between Ed's legs to lick up from his navel to his throat where his teeth sank into the tender flesh it had had the desired effect. Ed was probably going to miss lunch at this rate.</p><p>His mouth still sealed over and sucking at the bite, Roy's hands started to make their way down from Edward's shoulders, stroking his sides under the open shirt and finally settled at his hips. His fingers dipped into Ed's pants carefully before he finally guided them to rest on the button. Ed couldn't hold back the groan as his pants were opened oh so slowly and Roy lifted his mouth off of him to smirk at him.</p><p>"Can you hurry the fuck up? I want to be able to at least sneak by the kitchen before the next lesson starts!"</p><p>"So impatient," Roy chuckled, "maybe I should just write you a tardy slip..."</p><p>"And pray tell what reason would you write on it? 'Had to clean his desk doodles with his-' ohgh"</p><p>Whatever Edward had wanted to say was lost when Roy swiftly tore down two layers of fabric and took the head of Edward's dick into his mouth.</p><p>Because this had archived the desired effect of distracting Ed from his lunch time woes he quickly released it again, pressed a kiss to the tip and then slowly dragged his tongue from the base to the tip before swallowing it whole. </p><p>"F-f-fuck," was all he could get out at that point. With a wet pop Roy released his now rock hard cock, grinning wolfishly.</p><p>"With pleasure," he assured, straightening up to rummage in one of the desk's drawers, to produce a bottle of lube.</p><p>"You've been planning for this, you perverted bastard," Ed accused him.</p><p>"Since day one, my love," Roy admitted, capturing Ed in a kiss again, grinding his still clothed but definitely hard dick against his lover's.</p><p>"What the hell are you waiting for then," Ed gasped once they had separated, but was reduced to moaning again when an already slick finger started to circle and then press against his hole.</p><p>It didn't take long before Roy had turned him into a writhing, panting mess, expert fingers finding his prostate with every stroke.</p><p>As much as Roy enjoyed watching his young lover like this he couldn't deny himself the pleasure any longer, finally extracting his hand from Ed's delightfully tight, slick ass to open his own slacks and letting them pool at his ankles together with his underwear.</p><p>Ed looked marvelous, glistening with sweat and biting his lip. He reached his hand out towards Roy and the older man threaded their fingers together while he carefully guided himself into Edward with his other hand.</p><p>The younger collapsed back on the desk with a mixture between a sigh and a groan but never letting go of Roy's hand in the process.</p><p>Roy carefully moved until he was fully sheathed then waited for Ed's nod before pulling out and slamming back in. They soon established a rhythm, Ed's functioning leg wrapping around Roy, pulling him flush against his ass with every thrust.</p><p>"Fuck, Roy, faster, please," he eventually managed to gasp out between moans and Roy was happy to comply, soon loosing himself completely as he started to feel the telltale pull of an approaching orgasm.</p><p>He grabbed Edward's cock with his free hand and gave it a couple expert strokes that pushed Edward over the edge, the tightening around Roy's own dick making sure he followed right behind as he fucked Ed through his orgasm.</p><p>Afterwards Roy collapsed on top of Edward and the desk, but was soon shoved off by the blonde.</p><p>"Get it together old man, I still have to get my lunch!" He protested.</p><p>Roy snorted and kissed him, cutting off his protests for a short while. </p><p>"No, seriously, I'm- urgh!" With that Edward grabbed a piece of chalk from the desk and drew an array on the prothesis that served as his temporary left leg, activating it and looking clean once again, all traces of sweat and cum gone. </p><p>"Oh, don't look at me like that," was his reaction to Roy's disappointment.</p><p>"Can't help that I think it's a good look on you," he smirked.</p><p>"You think everything is a good look on me."</p><p>"Guilty as charged. Can you clean me up too?"</p><p>Ed nodded and drew the array on Roy's sleeve, pulling him in for another sloppy kiss after activating it. Finally he pulled his clothes back on and made his way towards the doors to transmute his own desk back into place, making sure Roy was decent before he left to make his way towards the kitchen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I never write porn but I gender fluided my way to male sometime last week, which happens maybe once every two years (usually I don't even have a gender) and apparently that means I can write this shit without dying of embarrassment?? It's probably bad because yeah first time but whelp</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah, sorry about that</p></blockquote></div></div>
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